I wrote in my first post about the wisdom of our bodies and our intuition. At that time, I was four days out from surgery.

However let me back track even further a little bit. I have always been active on and off. I have noticed however as life has ebbed and flowed, my enthusiasm for things has ebbed and flowed.

I used to be a gym bunny, however I got bored with the routines and the sameness of all of it. I went through most of my 20s relatively skinny, while still eating whatever I wanted and training here and there.

The latter part of my twenties however I was involved with someone that made working out an absolute chore and was also super emotionally abusive. The impact this had on my mental health was greater than I thought it was – I eventually started gaining weight and stopped working out together.

Fast forward to 30 and I literally burnt my whole life to the ground and started from scratch. I got rid of the guy, I started looking at ways to take care of myself better and I started working out again.

I boxed, I pole-danced, I salsa-ed. I hiked. I swam. And I LOVED IT. I was doing things I loved and still getting fit. 

Fast forward to November 2020. I developed a bladder infection that would not go away. Between November 2020 – August 2021 I was on antibiotic after antibiotic. I was constantly sick, my menstrual cycle was a mess. In 2021, I went through 13 courses of antibiotics alone.

Eventually the problem was found – a fibroid was pressing on the bladder and colon. I put the surgery off for various reasons – mostly because I was just convinced it would go away.

I have now had the surgery to remove said fibroid. It was not the size of a golf ball as expected. It was a tennis ball. 

The surgery was done laparascopically and I was anticipating a recovery time of 3 weeks. Man was I wrong.

I am 12 days into convalescing from this procedure. In my head, what I expected and the reality is so different. I expected that I could mentally goad my body into recovering faster. I have attempted to “rush” my body into doing things. I did not expect this at all.

You see, whilst the laparascopic procedure minimises the outer wounds, the inner invasion is just as big as a C-Section. My body went into whats called a SIRS response – I developed a fever and inflammation almost instantly and now have to heal that and the rest of it.

I realised that any ideas I had about simply bouncing back from this were ill-conceived. I was pushing my body and myself and obviously my body pushed back. 

The mindset with which we approach anything is the most important and the intention behind same also of paramount importance. I have realised in seeing this period as something to tick off the box and wanting to push it faster, I am missing out on what it actually is.

A period of renewal.  A period of grace.  A rebirth of myself. This is the timeout I didn’t know I needed. The clearing out of “stuff” I accumulated, as much as foreign object grew inside my body. We think that we can control the process by running far from it in our minds, or quantum leaping it in our minds. We fail to see that we need the pause and the baby steps that go with it – to be grateful for our health. To appreciate our bodies and what they do for us every day. To come back to center and nourish ourselves.

Be cognizant of what it is you’re teaching yourself in this time.